Symphonic poem

Claps and slaps and clicks and clacks create a song, a soundtrack for us. The overture is pink and romantic, swooning and swelling. The following movements, repeatedly painful, is a symphonic poem without release. Please finish.

Nail bed

My fingernails started falling off after I clawed at your scalp. Biting the broken nail bed makes my heart and hands raw. With my paws on hold, I take this time for re-growth and repair away from you.

Myth of pain

Is it a myth that pain confirms that you are alive and responding to the outside world? You hurt me and I know I am not alone. I don't know how I feel about that kind of reassurance. I would rather you love me in solitude.

Sweet dreams

I forgot about you for a few hours. Without the nightmares you gave me, I slept through without waking. I always have sweet dreams without you.

Drunken words

Being a little drunk romanticizes your abusive words.

You're ugly when you smile.

I'm pretty when I cry? You always liked me better with drops on my cheeks.

I'll take what I can get, because there isn't much more.

Fingertips

Tingling skin and chattering flesh. Tingling flesh and chattering skin. I don't know what sounds like your hand in mine. My fingertips have needles carefully tucked under the top layer of skin, making a five-pronged pin cushion, a little puppet to keep me from being alone. I draw little faces on my fingertips. Now I can look them in the eyes and they can look in mine.

Seaweed

Seaweed wet hair hangs in spaghetti clumps to my shoulders. They are raw, reminding me why your touch on my face makes me cry.

Foggy

A little twitch in my dominant eye makes you flicker just a bit. Lowering that lid, you become half-full and foggy. I'm not sure if I want that to clear or just imagine what I want you to be. The sun will rise and dry the air and I will see you and not my fantasy.

Bitter

Bitter coffee. Bitter sentiments. Bitter winds. I always count on you for that flavor that won't leave me alone.

Kitchen table on Friday

My nose runs and my finger nail snags, but I still want you near. You wouldn't see me. And even though I would know that you are terribly, terribly, terribly unavailable it would be better than being alone.